Conservation
I want to apologize now for the sad nature of this blog but everyone has been asking me to write about what happens when animals don’t survive. Finally, tonight, I feel inspired to type.
I’m no stranger to death. Coming up on the 7 year anniversary of my father’s death I can’t help but be a little extra emotional. Things make me cry that wouldn’t normally…and snippets of moments from the past flash through my mind on a more regular basis. I was there the day my father took his last breaths surrounded by family and friends. I saw the look in his eyes, the way his breathing changed…it all happened right in front of me. As difficult as it was to see my lifelong hero lying in a bed slowly losing his light, I am so glad I was there for his final moments…for two reasons.
First – we have no idea what people are and aren’t aware of as they are dying…I think my dad knew we were all there and I would never have wanted him to feel alone. Second – it leaves no doubt in my mind of his final moments. He was comfortable, safe and there was nothing else we could do. In a way it provided some sort of closure.
When animals arrive at a wildlife rescue center they are all essentially dying!
So what does all of this have to do with wildlife rescue? Animals die. Often. I know that photos of happy babies cuddled up with a stuffed animal, or updates on how the amigos are doing in bootcamp give the appearance that everything is awesome every day. But what is masked behind those fuzzy faces is the fact that wildlife rescue is hard. When animals arrive at the wildlife clinic they are all essentially dying…some more quickly than others. Which means our job is to basically reverse the path to death and heal them so they can make it back to where they belong, in the jungle. The only reason people are even able to physically grab a wild animal is because they are so injured, orphaned, or in shock that they can’t run away and save themselves. Wild animals aren’t usually able to be captured. There has to be something seriously wrong. I’ve seen monkeys so electrocuted that their entire arm is burned crispy. Owls missing half of a wing that is covered in wiggling maggots. Sloths attacked by dogs so badly that they are unable to move their bottom legs and can’t urinate on their own. Wildlife rescue is HARD. Luckily, statistically, we have a great number of success stories and I LIVE for the releases. Every time we release an animal, my lungs fill with air…my head feels clear…and I remember why we are here and why we can’t stop fighting because sometimes they actually make it.
But when they don’t make it…and you’ve poured your heart, soul, and hours that you should have been sleeping into trying desperately to keep them alive. You…are…shattered. Broken and you feel like a failure.
Newbie was the Queen of the Nursery
I want to talk about Newbie. For those of you who have seen the BBC show, “Nature’s Miracle Orphans” you already know Newbie. She was a three-toed sloth who arrived at the wildlife clinic in October of 2013. Her mother had been attacked by a dog and killed leaving her as an orphan at 4 months old. The day Newbie arrived, I was just returning from a trip to the US. I was in San Jose waiting for my shuttle to Manuel Antonio when I received a message from one of the volunteers that we had just received a baby three-toed sloth. Overcome with the urge to get to her and help her, my shuttle couldn’t arrive fast enough. As soon as I made it back home, I threw my bags on the floor and ran over to where I heard Newbie was waiting. THAT FACE. Three toed sloths just have these faces. They are so expressive…and their eyes…I swear their eyes stare straight into your soul. Newbie was no exception and before long, my world revolved around what Newbie needed. From picking the perfect guarumo leaf, to positioning her cuddle pillow in the exact spot that provided the afternoon sun that she so adored and making sure she had enough time every day in the sunshine and the breeze….Newbie was the queen of the nursery…and of my heart.
Hoping for a miracle, BUT…
I started to day dream about the moment she would be released. How proud I would be of her, how fulfilled I would feel knowing she had a chance for a long and happy life…maybe one day even have her own babies? But all those dreams came crashing to a halt the moment she was diagnosed with pneumonia. Pneumonia!!! Really?!? Because losing her mom to a dog wasn’t bad enough?!? That’s when the treatments began. Twice a day for months we made her inhale oxygen laced with medication, I gave her injection after injection…it physically pained me to stick a needle in her arm. She hated it and would resist every time. She had good days and bad days and there were a few times we even thought she was cured. In fact, during filming for the BBC show we officially thought she was cured and I believed that meant I could give her a real name. After 4 months of battling non-stop to keep Newbie alive we finally thought she was out of the woods and her pneumonia was gone. Deep down I was still worried, but I tried to stay positive. We had done everything we could and it appeared to have worked.
After a week of Newbie being on no medications, I left work for two days to get a little rest and relaxation. I wasn’t gone for more than 48 hours, but on the day I returned Newbie had stopped eating and the moment I looked at her I knew this was it. I put her on oxygen…started her back on medications…and frantically asked our vet for advice. There MUST be something else we could do!!! At 4am on Feb 11th, 2014 I woke up and Newbie was on the floor…she was alive but was so weak she couldn’t hold on to anything. I rushed her to the clinic…pressed an oxygen mask to her face like I had done so many times before…and I prayed. Begging and pleading to anyone who might be listening…hoping for a miracle and that somehow the oxygen would wake her back up. But she just kept deteriorating. Then I saw it. That same look my father had in his eyes…the same way he gasped for air. Newbie was dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I must have held her for at least three hours after her heart stopped beating.
We sent Newbie’s body off for a necropsy in San Jose so we could learn from her death and we gained valuable information that has saved and will save other sloths. I had Newbie cremated and plan to spread her ashes at the site where the three amigos are released. Not exactly the release I had planned for her, but at least in some way she will make it back to the jungle.
Wildlife rescue is HARD. But we have to keep fighting, push through the sadness to learn from the deaths and most importantly…bask in the glory of the releases.
#slothlove
Sam,
I’m glad you wrote this. I wanted to ask you about this part when I was at KSTR, but something told me not to. I know you see plenty of death, so why bring it up? Especially when, in order to save the lives you do, you must give so much. Keep going. Keep fighting. Even the ones that don’t make it; you’ve made their time more comfortable and less scary and less alone.
Liz
Thanks Liz. It’s a really difficult subject and one we experience too many times. There’s a balance between sharing all the fun, joyful stuff and needing to also share the hard parts. It’s all important. That’s why we do the work. To learn, to share, to help these sloths.
I am so sorry for your loss! Can’t really write at the moment after reading this but wanted to let you know I feel you. THANK YOU!!!!!
Thank you for your note, it makes it all worthwhile.
Dear Sam,
You are the best mum that God sent to Newbie in her needs. You are right, when she looks at you, she can see into your soul. Even through the TV, my daughter and I could feel your love and hope for her.
Keep up your good work.
Gabrielle Colwill
Thank you very much for the love and care you showed Newbie, and for sharing her/your story with us. I am struggling with grief and it really helped me.
Thank you Deb for sharing this with us…and we are so glad our story helped you. #slothlove
Deb, Thank you so much for your support. I am so glad that in sharing Newbie’s story and my personal experiences with grief I can help others deal with their own. Together we are stronger 🙂
I’m so sorry for your loss of sweet Newbie, but please don’t give up on this special thing you are doing for all of us.
Thank you Mandy! We will never give up! We have 11 babies right now we are caring for; and we are in the midst of releasing back 2 hand raised sloths back to the rainforest. Having people like you on our side helps so much!
Mandy, Thank you so much. We will never give up 🙂
I want to commend you for what you do as I call it God’s work. I live in Brooklyn NYC and have a cat and dog rescue and know the extreme joy and sometimes painful experiences of fostering a sweet creature.
Thank you Kevin and thank you for the work that you are doing! #slothlove
Kevin, Rescue is indeed a tough profession! Thank you for what you do to save cats and dogs in NYC!
I just watched the story about Newbie on PBS and had to find out how she was doing. I’m so sorry for your loss I can tell you took very good care of her and that she loved you as much as you loved her. I’m so glad for loving people like you. God Bless You !
Heidi
Thank you Heidi. We appreciate your support! #slothlove
Heidi, Thank you so much for your kind words. Newbie was a special soul and I loved her very much. I am so glad I was able to share her story with everyone through this documentary. Thank you for watching and for your support.
Like Heidi, I had to find out how precious Newbie was faring. With tears and a lump in my throat, I am so sorry to learn of her passing. What fascinating, soulful creatures sloths are. What amazing and fulfilling work you do. I am a nurse and I was so moved by what I saw tonight. Thank you for sharing this with the world.
Thank you Denise. We hope that Newbie inspires more people to learn about sloths and the people that care for them. They are amazing creatures and we hope to continue to do more work to help more get back home. #slothlove
Denise, I couldn’t agree more. Sloths are truly fascinating and soulful! I am so glad that this documentary moved you and that through Newbie’s story you were able to learn more about sloths. Thank you for the work you do as nurse! I’m sure we’ve had some similar moments…just with different patients 😉
I just watched the Nature feature and had to find out Newbie’s fate, for better or worse…I am devastated to hear this. She put up such a good fight. Thank you for your love and care of her, even in her last moments. I’m sorry for the loss.
Thank you Chelsea. Through Newbie’s loss, we learn and continue the work to get these orphans back to their home.
Chelsea, Thank you so much for your kind words. I still miss her every day…but I am glad she inspired this new life path where I hope to save as many sloths as possible.
Hi Sam,
I just watched the show and saw newbie. I had to see what happened and now I am very heartsick for her and what you have expressed here. I too know loss from losing my mother and grandmother…it is so hard to lose ones we love whether they are our furry friends and our dearest family members…of which the furry ones are part of…they become part of our family. What I take comfort in is knowing that there are people like you in this world…doing what you do for these lovely creatures is one of the most beautiful things in this world.
So I was inspired just to write to thank you for introducing us to newbie and you. For the upcoming holiday, I will be making a donation as a gift…because that is the true spirt of giving.
Kindest regards,
Leah
Thank you so much Leah. We are sorry for your losses as well…we keep the faith and the work going because of the support we get from people like you. #slothlove
Leah, Thank you so much. If Newbie was still alive I believe she would be proud that so many people are donating to help other sloths in her honor. It is truly the best way to honor her memory. Thank you.
I, too, rushed to find out what happened to Newbie as soon as “Nature” ended. I’m so sorry she wasn’t able to survive the pneumonia but know you gave her the best possible care and attention – not to mention love – throughout her short, beautiful life. Many thanks for teaching me about sloths – I knew nothing, really, til watching this program. The work you do and the heart you put into it is incredible. Many blessings.
Patty, Thank you so much. I am so glad that through this documentary you learned a lot about sloths. I hope you continue to seek out more information and continue to learn about the amazing creatures I can’t live without. Thank you.
My husband and I just watched the PBS show “Nature’s Miracle Orphans” featuring you and Newbie. We are so very sorry for your loss and were very touched by your story. Thank you for introducing us to the world of sloths. Such interesting and lovable creatures! We are very involved in a rabbit rescue group and I too, recognize my mom’s eyes and breathing in the passing of some of our bunnies. I believe Newbie “found you” to help her through her journey and to be the voice of the sloth. I am hopeful you will continue to save these beautiful creatures and share their plight. All living creatures deserve a chance and that is what you are giving them. You hard work is recognized. And the love and care that is given is respected. I hope this work fills your soul. Newbie and your father continue to live on through you. They are both looking down with a great big grin saying “she did it again…. she touched more people”! ♥
Carrie, Thank you so much for your words of encouragement! Your words mean a lot to me because I truly feel Newbie was “the one” that really solidified my desire to fight every day for sloth conservation and to educate the world that they are creatures to be respected and admired. That is the main goal of my photo book, “Slothlove” to educate people about sloths and inspire them to get out there and do what they can to make the world a better place. I am so comforted to know that even though I lost Newbie and wasn’t able to return her to where she belongs…she lives on in each and every one of you who were moved by her story. Thank you.
Dear Sam, I just watched the program on Nature about Newbie. I cried during the program when she got sick again and went online to find out what happened. I am so saddened for your loss. I could see the love that you and Newbie shared. Thank you for all you did for Newbie and all you do to help the animals. Your words “THAT FACE” went to my heart because as I watched the program, every time I saw Newbie’s face, I kept saying “That face” because her face was so emotionally expressive and precious. I am in ministry and I want you to know that there is evidence in the Bible that animals have a soul, meaning that when the physical body dies, their soul goes back to God, who loves and cares for them. We can look forward to seeing them again as we trust in the personal God of the Bible. The reason human beings and animals are able connect emotionally and soul to soul is because animals — not just people — have emotions and souls.
Christie, Thank you so much for your kind words. I too believe that humans and animals are connected and their emotions are just as important as ours. I love Newbie and every sloth I’ve had the pleasure to care for and I am so glad that our story has resonated with so many people. I can only hope that by seeing the connection between myself and Newbie that people view animals in a more respectful light and do their part to help make this world a better place and be kind to all creatures.
Sam, the work you do is absolutely amazing! I saw your PBS special last night and I couldn’t step away from the television from the second I turned it on. In addition to Newbie’s story were the stories of an orphaned koala and an orphaned wallaby. I safely move every turtle/snake/frog I see in the road, and stop for every dog I see roaming, but to devote every moment of every day doing what you do for these animals is just incredible. I can’t imagine the sacrifice. Thank you so much for all you do. I’m sorry for Newbie’s loss, but know that you gave her a second chance Without you, Newbie never would have known the feeling of being loved and cared for. You gave that to her.
Jen, I stop for every turtle too! Sloths look a little like turtles when crossing the road 😉 Newbie was an amazing soul and my life is forever changed because of her. I am so glad her story lives on forever in this documentary. Thank you so much for your support.
Sam,
Like everyone that has written today, my family and I watched you and Newbie last night. My girls and I were so touched by your story and wanted to know the outcome. We are of course all saddened to hear of your loss and send our condolences. My girls wanted to know how we can help save more sloths and we’re excited to see your Amazon wish list. We would love to send supplies to help you guys keep doing what you do. You are amazing!
Dear Lou, thank you for your kind words..Sam will be getting back to each of you in the next couple of days; we are in the middle of a huge release project (our very first) of Ellen and Kermie (you can see more on our FB page). A donation from our Amazon wish list would be amazing. We can send you a ship to address. I will ask Sam what are our most critical needs and then get back to you. Thank you for caring and for your support! #slothlove
Lou, Thanks so much for your support and kind words. I still miss her and appreciate everyone’s support. I’m so glad to know that your daughters watched the show with you and want to help save sloths! Our wish list is a great way to help us and people like you donating to help other sloths because of Newbie’s story is the best possible way to honor her. Thank you.
Lou, our wish list is at theslothinstitutecostarica on Amazon. You can ship to this address as I will be making a trip to the States soon! Thank you so much…
Seda Sejud
℅ The Sloth Institute
21952 Lindy Lane
Cupertino, CA 95014
Thanks so much for the info. Can I ship directly to this address from Amazon? Would that be ok?
Yes, that is perfect, thank you so much!
I also watched the Nature special on PBS and had to find out how Newbie was doing. I’m devastated to find out he didn’t make it, but am so comforted by the mother love you gave him, which he wouldn’t have known otherwise. You showed him what love is and did everything in your power to save him. The connection between the two of you was so clear. I love animals so much and volunteered for 8 years at a cat sanctuary caring for terminally ill cats who were abandoned or neglected. Thank you so much for the precious love and care you show these wonderful creatures. I never knew anything about sloths, and I absolutely love them now!
We so appreciate all the support we are receiving…please be sure to follow us on FB and Twitter and sign up for our newsletter for more news and updates!
Thanks for your reply! I showed it to my girls and they look forward to shopping for sloths! 🙂
Dear Sam,
I, like all the others who saw your story on PBS a few nights ago, am crushed to discover Newbie’s fate. Something about it was able to touch my heart very deeply. I even woke up in the middle of the night last night and remembered the story and experienced the same sadness that I’ve felt when losing people I know and love. I can’t even imagine the difficult emotions that you have endured, but I could sense it from the show that it hasn’t been easy on you. But yet you continue to fight and care for the sloths as only someone with a true heart of gold could do! Thank you for being their mothers! And thank you for creating an organization dedicated to their wellbeing!
Sending you lots of love, healing energy and support to keep strong in your slothlove mission! Remember that many hearts around the world are thinking of you and the sloths!
P.s. I look forward to adopting some sloths! I will also try to help out with your Amazon wishlist.
Thank you so much Maile! All this support we are getting from people like yourself help us out so much while giving us a huge amount of moral support too! #slothlove
Dear Sam,
Thank you for your dedication, love and support of these magnificent, beautiful animals. Your blog was truly inspirational and so true about what the back story is, to wildlife rescue. I was in wildlife rescue for 25 yrs. (will return soon) and it’s a “calling” not for the faint of heart, because with each animal a little of your heart goes with them.
I recently met Vicky and Steve Coan at Sibu Sanctuary and plan to return.
Bless all of you that give your life to rehabilitating and protecting wildlife. (KSTR was founded by a Palo Alto mother and her daughter, I always suggest it to my intern program at the HS in Palo Alto)
I was so very sorry to hear that Newbie didn’t make it. I only just saw Part 1 last night of the Nature show about this sweet soul. And I decided I couldn’t wait until Part 2 showed up so I went online. There might not be enough Kleenex for this one. But I truly believe she knew she was safe and well loved, and that had to help. Wishing you all the best and hope to hear of happier endings in the future. Take care.
Debba
I really enjoyed the pbs show nature showing you and the others caring for the orphaned animals. I was so hoping that Newbie would make it and am sad to find out she didn’t. you certainly gave her a good life while she was here and its wonderful to see all the good you and the others do. I am a huge animal lover. Keep up all your good work.
Sam:
I’ve exchanged tweets with you lately on how deeply the Nature episode on your efforts to save Newbie affected me this past week, and came here because Google’s search engine brought me.
I am so saddened to hear what I knew was coming at the end of that episode.
As a volunteer at the Seattle Aquarium for 15 years, I saw how dedicated the people who care for animals are, and how deeply the losses are felt. Bless you and all others who, like you, struggle to make the world a bit better for our fellow creatures. It is truly an act of undying love.
Good luck to you in your continuing efforts. Yours, and Newbie’s, story has touched all of our hearts.
After watching part 1 tonight, I wasn’t expecting to see that Newbie hadn’t made it. I’m so sad for you and everyone else who were lucky enough to know her.
One of my favorite parts of the show was when you swam with her on your back and she so quickly took off on her own. My thoughts at the time were that she just couldn’t wait to get out of the water! She was a precious soul and now will be missed by millions. I am still crying as I write this, and will think of her when I think of all my sweet fur babies that I’ve loved and lost through the years.
I so admire the love and dedication of all of you to these precious souls. I don’t have much, but I’m going to try and see if I can send something that will help you to continue with this important work.
I”m confused. I thought Newbie got a name “Modoc” (or something similar). Am I mixing this with a different story? I thought she overcame the pneumonia and got a real name.
Dear Sam and everyone,
I watched both episodes and when I didn’t see or hear about Newbie I read in the comments to come here. Your journey is not in vain my dear sister and even though it’s hard, the Kingdom needs us, our love, devoted love, and unconditional love that calls us to the task God asked of man in the beginning. I have spent my whole life rescuing creatures and enduring the horrible pain when losing them. Just when I say I can’t do it anymore, I am ‘asked’ to once more do it again. They depend upon us for survival, and we need them to survive. You give hope to these precious little ones…and they give hope to you. You and your family are wonderful and thank you for sharing it with us. It’s good to know that others feel the same as I do too. I literally touched the screen each time I saw her wanting to feel her and hold her. All God’s creatures great and small…the Lord God made them all.
I watched the BBC episodes. Newbies story touched my heart. The world needs more people like you. Dedication to nature is do important. ♡
Thank you for giving Newbie a happy life.
My daughter & I just watched the video from the library & were touched by newbie. I had a sinking feeling, but was hoping for better news. Glad your such a caring person & that you gave all you could in the time she was with you. God bless you!!
Another watcher of Natures Miracle Orphans here, I’ve always loved Sloths and their expressive faces and beautiful souls. Like others here I just had to know the rest of Newbie’s story and am unashamed to admit I’m sitting here in tears. YOU, Sam, are a beautiful soul for all your hard work and the heartache it inevitably brings at times. Newbie had the very best of chances and was loved, sooo many animals – and people – never get to experience this. Thank you for everything.
I spent time volunteering at The Gambia Horse and Donkey Trust a couple of years ago, one day I’d love to help out at your centre too.
Dearest Sam,
I watched the show a while back and it had come up in my mind several times about Newbie…hows Newbie?
I needed to know…Now I know
So here I sit literally flooded in tears ?!
I watched as you refused to name her…proper name or no proper name, your soul was mercilessly trapped, dedicated & painfully entangled.
Her story has had a huge imprint on the hearts of many. I hope that the necropsy gave you vital information unknown before to help in the fight to help you help other Newbies.
My heart is heavy for you and Newbie.
I know with your understanding and dedication other Newbies will benefit in your gifted loving hands…?
I am so sorry. I know you guys must have lost way too many sloths by now and I’m guessing as is the case of domestic pets, it just never gets any easier. I just finished watching Newbie’s story and just like Sam I was hoping and praying but for some reason, at the same time, I had a niggling fear that she would die. I don’t know exactly why. I just did. So the only thing anybody can do now is to keep her in your hearts and use her memory to spur you all on to keep saving those beautiful little ones. Keep up the good work.
Sam, you write so well, but sure wish this story had ended happily. Watched the PBS re-run last night and have been haunted since. Tears the heart out now to know Newbie’s fate. What a sweet soulful little darling she was. And you are awesome.
Thank you for writing to us…it’s difficult work that the team has taken on. No loss goes without its pain or without something beautiful coming of it. Newbie gave Sam the inspiration to devote her lifes work to the sloths.
Hi, I know this was a while ago, and I know that losses like this are extremely hard. Thank you for sharing.
Out of curiosity, what clinical signs did Newbie show before she was diagnosed with pneumonia?
Thank god for people like you Sam.
I just happened to catch a rerun
of this special last night.
I fell in love with Newbie
along with all the other babies.
I was very saddened to learn that Newbie had past, but know you all did
everything you could for her.
Your love and caring for these animals
is so awesome and we all greatly
appreciate what you do.
Thankyou
Thank you for trying, working, amassing the knowledge to rescue these animals. I too held my father in his hour of death, caring for him was an honor.